Fear
I would be lying if I wrote that I had never experienced fear over Covid-19. At first, I naively assumed that a pandemic would be something that happened in TV. In other words, it would affect other people.
But beginning the week of March 9th, I started to know real fear. I heard stories about people losing multiple family members to Covid-19 in Italy. In a moment, it dawned on me: I am not special. The people who lost their family members were not fundamentally different than me. There is no guarantee that I will make it through this unscathed.
The next week, I started to work from home. My mom had been on vacation the week before, and headed back to the office. I had to fight back tears. She is in her late sixties. I was terrified that she would get sick and die. Fortunately, she only worked in the office for two days. Management sent virtually everyone to work from home.
My father is also in his late sixties, but he no longer works. His mother, my only living grandparent, is nearing 97. My grandmother has had scares before, including a battle with C-Diff. Covid-19 would likely prove too much for her. (But then again, the Queen survived.).
Add to that, I have a friend with a serious genetic disorder and co-workers with diabetes. They are at risk. Hell, I even have hypertension, though it is under control with medication.
I thought about what it would mean if my mom got sick with Covid-19. If she was admitted to the hospital, I would not be able to be with her. If she died, she would die with only the staff to comfort her. My brother, who lives in Canada, would most likely be unable to enter the country. Our mother would be dead, and we would only be able to comfort each other over the phone.
I don’t like writing this or thinking about it. Fortunately, as we near the peak of the epidemic in Ohio (please God) the cases are far lower than projected, no doubt die to the leadership of Governor DeWine and Dr Acton. But we will still live with the risk of Covid-19 until we can develop a vaccine, and that would not be until next year, at least. And even then, it will take time to manufacture and distribute the vaccine. Fear will remain a companion.
But I have to write about this. I have to write about this because I want to document this for the future. Whatever that looks like.
emmasrandomthoughts 